I had been trying to finish off the old stories I started with and then I remembered about this, So I thought of having a fresh start. A thought came to my mind and a an image flipped through my eyes. The result – a short story. A story about our decisions, about the times we just followed our instincts and were lead astray by them.
He hit me..hard. More than the pain which I felt on my cheeks when his hard hand hit me, it was his eyes. He didn’t have any emotion, no sadness, just plain anger. This was the moment I lost all the courage I had when I denounced my entire family and moved with him. It was difficult because he was the only son of divorced parents. Troubled childhood was the main reason my family was against our relationship. Maybe they saw this coming. All his love and affection just disappeared in that slap. Now what was left was anger in his eyes and sadness in my heart. I couldn’t think of anything. Why? Was never the question. How? And the associated silence that was filling the vacuum. I just left the room. I didn’t think for a moment. I couldn’t. My bags were packed for the weekend trip I was planning. I took the rest and stuffed it in one bag and dragged it out. He didn’t stop me. He didn’t utter a word. Maybe it was his manhood or maybe just anger that he walked away into the bedroom ignoring me.
I don’t know how I got the courage but without any plan I just walked out of the door. That was the boldest decision I ever took, bolder than the one to leave my family. I did not want to call Sarita and hear for advices. I did not want to call my parents and hear the “I told you so”. I did not know where to go but I knew it wasn’t going to be in this house. I got a cab , sat inside and felt my eyes fill and thought for a while until the cab driver’s voice hit my ears. I finally decided to head to the nearest hotel. My own job had given me the confidence to take independent decisions and enough credit on my cards . The receptionist saw both and handed me the keys. I reached the room and dropped dead on the bed. I am not sure when I slept but the wet spot on the pillow reminded me that the night was not a dream.
Everything else that happened through the rest of the day and even rest of my life, is blurry. We finally separated and I moved to US. My parents didn’t care and after a while everybody forgot. It has been 5years since then.
Today sitting alone in this coffee shop I walk through the cloud of thoughts. I am not sure whether that was a hasty decision or my ego or my self independence. I can call myself free today but what’s freedom without a bond. The free kite soaring in the sky might be called free or that, it has lost its only connection to reality. I think I should have just waited for him to say “sorry”. I think..
A guy sitting at the far end of the coffee shop sipping a latte thinks ” I should have just said Sorry”.